Trusting in God for the first time.

I have been "saved" about five times in my life. Saved from hell, saved from sin, saved from the stares of others who quietly pretended not to see my hand, among others, raised during prayer to admittance of not being saved. The attendees of the church would bow their heads in prayer, and the Minister would almost shout, as if to reach the very back row of "sinners", and beg for them to walk up to the front to be SAVED. "Save your souls, accept Jesus Christ into your heart!". The very last time I was saved, omitting this past year, was at the ripe age of thirteen. I felt as if the Minister was shouting at ME, knowing he saw me raise my hand. I couldn't just NOT get up - I knew the folks around me saw my hand shake as I raised it up, admitting I was still a sinner - untouched by the hand of God, unaccepting of his forgiveness. So, as with each time I was saved, I was taken to a quiet room, and in front of two strangers, said a simply prayer to save my soul. I walked out feeling the same, unchanged. I walked out feeling cheap, fake, a worse sinner than before. What was I doing? Why did I raise my hand, why did I agree to even go?

I didn't really understands religion, Christianity more specifically, until recently. Every church I had ever been to had been full of quiet, judging eyes, and pressure. It seemed every Sunday was the day to save your soul, even if you had already been saved. It seemed a sweeter excuse to be out the night before sinning, and come in the next morning to be saved from last night's behavior. How could other people live like that? 

It wasn't until just after I met my husband that I felt Jesus in my life. Now, before this - ANYTIME someone mentioned the name "Jesus", I wanted to laugh. God, forgive me for that. I felt that anyone who mentioned His name was a "Jesus Freak", sold their soul to a cult. How unfortunate that I wasted all those years believing that. And, oh my, to hear you got "a calling to Jesus", that was even worse. What, did you just wake up one morning, hop out of bed, and decide to love Jesus? Not quite.

For me, it was something deeper. I never really understood the purpose of a soul until I could feel my own. It was this feeling that washed over me, so overwhelming yet so fragile feeling. I felt strong, and weak at the same time. I started thinking, "I hear you." I knew I wanted to explore my religion, my soul, and to eventually come back across the idea of God. It was a strange thing for me, knowing he was always there, but never really FEELING Him. So, it wasn't that I hopped out of bed and just KNEW, but I felt him doing work in me that I couldn't explain. 

When it came time to tell my husband (boyfriend at the time), I felt silly, and self-conscious about his opinion. I was so wavering in my religion that I needed his approval. Christopher did not knock my religion, but it became a quick go-to for him in arguments. Realizing you believe in Christ is no picnic. You are tested religiously DAILY, whether you go to church or not. Whether you realize it or not. And your answer to the criticism is crucial. 

In Matthew 26:69-75 -  Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth." He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!” After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.” Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”

Immediately a rooster crowed. 

Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

I had disowned Jesus many more times than I could count. I had never experienced that "calling", or that feeling where you just "know". And when I was just discovering and exploring that feeling, I was already being tested for it. 

I asked my husband to attend church with me. I wouldn't go alone, it seemed unfit. Still wavering, still needing his approval. I began to doubt this feeling I was having. We married, and included God in our vows. I was't sure if he meant his vows in front of God, or just in front of our families, but I trusted in him none the less. It wasn't until he moved me from the Carolina's to Michigan that we really began to attend church. As a matter of fact, and I'm not sure if anyone reading remembers the "Polar Vortex" winter we had in Michigan...but that was the weather we were travelling to for our first service in Sterling Heights. Chris was invited by a family member, and felt obligated to go. I, to my surprise, was on the opposite side of the fence. We were going to be late, the weather was insanely too cold and icy to drive through, and who knows if we'll even like it? That day, I was testing my husband's faith, as he had tested mine in the past. I cannot tell you, however, how thankful I am that we did go. It wasn't the first time, nor the second or third, but around the fourth or fifth time - that I accepted Jesus as my personal savior. I was finally in the house of God, with that overwhelming feeling of Christ washing over me. As I listened to the music towards the end of the service, I stood up tall because I felt God doing his work in me. I trusted in God because I felt him. No, I didn't hear him talking to me, like Moses. No, I didn't get a tug on my shoulder. My heart was pulled towards Him, and I knew he was calling me to Him and his Grace. I can constantly feel my heart filling up with Faith, and God working in my life. I can only pray and hope he helps me to reach out to others who may be confused, lost, or astray.

I also just wanted to share this beautiful picture, for those who have accepted Jesus as your savior...

xoxo,

Corinne

First post, God bless.

Hello,

I am just starting my blog here, and should probably start with an introduction so you, my readers, can really understand the message I am trying to convey, and exactly who you are hearing from. 

I am a a woman, in her early twenties.
I am a wife, happily married for almost one year.
I am a mother, to a wonderful young toddler.
I am a friend, to everyone I come across - whether they chose to return this gift or not.
I am a daughter, to a set of giving parents.
And finally, I am a sister - to my two siblings, whom I miss dearly.

In Galatians 3:28 (MSG), the Bible says, "In Christ's family there can be no division into Jew or non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ." 

Referring back to my introduction -- it doesn't matter who I am. It doesn't matter what I've done, how I've sinned. It doesn't matter who you are, or what you've done in your past, or the ways you have sinned. You and I, we are equal. So it doesn't matter that we are different, you and I. It doesn't matter how many children I have, how much money I make, or what I do for a living - same for you. What matters is life. What you do with it, how you decide to live it, and who you decide to dedicate this wonderful life to. 

In this blog, I WILL be referring to Bible verses. I WILL NOT have all the answers. I WILL mention the names "God", "Jesus", and "Christ" a few thousand times, if not more. Should this offend you, I invite you to still read, still try to understand. I may not have all the answers, but I am fumbling down the same path as many thousands upon thousands of other souls, trying to become closer to God. If you are looking for answers, I am not God. And I could not fathom what God is even like, or what he thinks - unless I, too, was God. But I believe with all my heart and soul - and so I will relay his teachings through our Bible to reach others who may be lost, or struggling. I will dedicate my time to helping others understand what being a Christian is about, and how one can better live their life through Christianity. Through our lives, our marriages, parenting, social interactions - we are tested. While there isn't a right "answer", I believe this is a right "way". I hope this reaches out to the people it needs to. God Bless :).

xoxo,
Corinne